pitch feedback

Today after pitching our story to the class we got some really good feedback, which I believe we should put in our story to make it the best it can be. The main things we talked about was the beginning; why was her mum there? What did those pictures represent? Originally we wanted to show that she grew up without a dad who the reason for playing these men, however this did not come across to our audience, so this is something we will have to scrap, or rethink as it was described as unnecessary

Another thing which, I extremely agreed with was the way that the woman in our film, was found out. Originally she was going to be on a date with one of the three men and somehow the other two are walking past and see her. This did not seem thought out and actually kind off weird to our audience, because these two men do not know each other and the coincidence is too much. The location of the café is something our feedback made us think about changing and maybe shoot in a house or something, to enhance our production values. As it will prevent us making up a set which doesn’t look effective, just in case the cafes don’t allow us to film there.

We were also told that our idea of the red string was very good and original, and that we should in fact do much more with it and make sure this theme is carried out, throughout the film. To do this we were advised to give more clues about this in the film, and involved more red string or, red stuff, in more than just or abstract scene.

The needing we decided to incorporate was quiet dramatic but tried to show this in a subtle and effective way, so the story didn’t just end on a dead note.
However the jump from the dates to the pregnancy wasn’t really clear, as throughout the film, we don’t really show that she has been sexual with any of these men, so the story still needs more padding.

From this we have made some changes to the story which will make it more believable, and make our chracters rounded.